Escape to Paradise: Howard Johnson's Kunming Oasis Awaits!
Escape to Paradise: Howard Johnson's Kunming Oasis - My Messy, Wonderful Adventure!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because I'm about to spill the tea – or rather, the Yunnan Pu'er tea – on my recent stay at the Howard Johnson's Kunming Oasis. This place, nestled in the heart of Kunming, promised an escape to paradise, and, well… it delivered. But not without a few hilarious hiccups, a healthy dose of "wow," and a whole lot of "huh?"
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- Title: Howard Johnson's Kunming Oasis Review: Paradise Found (with a Few Bumps!) - [Hotel Name] - [Location], [China]
- Keywords: Howard Johnson's Kunming Oasis, Kunming hotels, Yunnan Province, China travel, Accessible hotel, Spa hotel, Swimming pool, Restaurant review, Family-friendly hotel, Business travel, Free Wi-Fi, Hotel review, Kunming, China, Travel.
- Meta Description: My honest, messy, and hilarious review of the Howard Johnson's Kunming Oasis! From amazing spa treatments and delicious food to accessibility quirks and a few unexpected surprises. Is it paradise? Read on and find out!
Accessibility: The First Hurdle (and Surprisingly, Not a Huge One!)
Okay, so accessibility is HUGE for me. I'm a bit wobbly on my feet these days. The website said accessible, and the initial impression was good. The elevators? Excellent. A real game changer, because I often get stranded on a specific floor, and it's quite annoying. The public areas seemed fairly navigable.
BUT, and there's always a "but," the ramp to the main lobby? A bit steep. I honestly almost ate the carpet trying to get up there with my walker. Seriously, I was so close to taking a header. I laughed, thankfully, and called the front desk for help, and they helped me find a different entrance that was easier to navigate. Score one for the staff! And hey, they were super friendly and helpful. So, maybe a little improvement needed there, but overall, a thumbs up.
Room Ramblings: The Comforts of Home (Plus a Slightly Dodgy TV!)
Let's talk rooms. Mine was… well, it was spacious. Air conditioning blasted a perfectly chilled breeze, which was a lifesaver after exploring the city. Blackout curtains? YES, needed! I was able to sleep in, undisturbed.
- Comforts I loved: A proper desk for working (essential!), a comfy sofa for sprawling with a book (also essential!), and a seriously long bed. I'm long, and I can't tell you the number of beds I've had to dangle my feet off!
- Room Perks: Free Wi-Fi, which actually worked (praise be!), complimentary tea and coffee (fuel!), and, most importantly, a perfectly working mini-fridge for my emergency chocolate stash.
- The TV Incident: Okay, the TV. The remote was like a sentient being: sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. I think I spent a good 20 minutes wrestling with it one evening. I started swearing under my breath. Then I was singing Chinese pop songs whilst trying to get it working. Eventually, I gave up, and was relieved to find an on-demand movie option, which, was my saving grace.
Cleanliness and Safety: Feeling Safe and Sound (Mostly!)
Okay, in these COVID times, cleanliness is KING. The Howard Johnson's played its cards right:
- Obsessive Disinfection: I'm talking daily disinfection in common areas, sanitizing stations everywhere, and even individually-wrapped food options. This was, frankly, pretty reassuring.
- Room Sanitization: They really did a good job here. They had the option for me to opt-out of the room sanitation. I didn't. I am, overall, a fairly clean person, but I appreciate the effort.
- Staff Safety Training: The staff members were all wearing masks, and seemed well versed in the safety protocols.
- Doctor on Call: I didn't need it, thank goodness, but it was great to know it was there.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Culinary Adventure (with Some Surprises)
Oh, the food! This is where the Howard Johnson's truly shines.
- The Breakfast Buffet: An absolute feast. Asian and Western cuisine galore! The dim sum? Delicious. The fresh fruit? Divine. The coffee? Strong enough to wake the dead (thank god).
- Restaurants Galore: I ate at several of the on-site restaurants. The Asian cuisine restaurant blew me away! The staff was attentive and helpful, guiding me through the menu. I tried the Yunnan noodles, and I swear I had one of the best meals of my life!!
- Poolside Bar: Perfect for sipping a cocktail (or two!) in the sunshine. I did have one near-disaster – I nearly tripped and ended up in the pool while trying to do some serious people-watching. Thankfully, I was able to maintain my balance with the help of a very bewildered cocktail waiter and a convenient sun lounger.
- The Snack Bar: Convenient for late-night cravings.
- Room Service: 24-hour Room service; fantastic
Spa, Relaxation, and Things to Do: Pamper Me, Please!
This, friends, is where the "paradise" element really kicked in.
- The Spa: I indulged in a massage, a body scrub, and a foot bath. My muscles still ache a bit, but in a good way. The masseuses were incredibly skilled and attentive. I felt like a new person!
- Pool with a View: So, so beautiful.
- Steamroom and Sauna: Great way to detox.
- Fitness Center: I am going to have to say I didn't check out the fitness center. I did consider it, but I was too comfortable!
- Other Activities: They had a few things to do, but you have to ask.
Services and Conveniences: The Little Things That Make a Difference
- Superb Service: The staff was consistently friendly, helpful, and eager to please. Seriously, shoutout to the front desk staff!
- Cashless Payment: A welcome feature.
- Laundry and Dry Cleaning: Essential for a longer stay
- Currency Exchange: Convenient.
- Gift Shop: I snagged some lovely souvenirs.
For the Kids & Other Bits:
- Family/Child Friendly: They totally catered to families.
- Proposal spot: The outdoor venues.
- Car Park: Free of charge.
- The elevator: Thank god the elevator worked.
The Quirks, The Imperfections, The Real Stuff:
- The Lost-in-Translation Moments: There were a few, of course. Trying to order room service in my broken Mandarin was a memorable experience. I think I ended up with a plate of… something. But it was delicious, so no complaints!
- The Minor Annoyances: The occasional slow Wi-Fi in the public areas. The slightly confusing map of the hotel grounds. These were truly minor things.
- The Emotional Reaction: Overall, I had the best experience. I wasn't expecting to love the hotel so much, but the staff was kind, the facilities were amazing, and the food gave me a reason to stay there.
Getting Around:
- Airport Transfer: Convenient.
- Taxi Service: Easy to arrange.
Final Verdict:
Would I recommend the Howard Johnson's Kunming Oasis? ABSOLUTELY. It's not perfect – no place is! – but it offers a truly wonderful experience. If you're looking for a relaxing escape, a culinary adventure, and a touch of pampering, this is the place to be. The little "imperfect" bits, the little weird moment, are what made the trip so fun. If you're looking for a place that is all-inclusive, and you're not willing to work for it, you can always go somewhere else. But if you're looking for an adventure… this is the place to be! My whole experience was great, and I am likely to recommend the restaurant!
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My Kunming Chaos: A Howard Johnson Hoedown (and a Few Tears)
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your meticulously planned, bullet-pointed travel guide. This is me – flesh, blood, and a serious addiction to Yunnan black tea – spilling the beans on my Kunming adventure, specifically the one that started in the, ahem, charming Howard Johnson Tropical Garden Plaza. Prepare for a rollercoaster, because honestly, that's what the city felt like!
Day 1: Arrival & The Case of the Missing Chopsticks (and My Sanity)
- 14:00: Finally landed in Kunming! After a flight delay that felt personally orchestrated by tiny, disgruntled airport gremlins, I was starving. The initial impression of the Howard Johnson? Let's just say "tropical garden" is a generous description. More like "slightly overgrown shrubbery with a questionable fountain." But hey, clean rooms and air conditioning – I'll take it.
- 15:00: Room check! Okay, the internet works. Praise be! After a quick freshen up because the flight did a number on me.
- 16:00: Time to explore! I wandered into the hotel restaurant. Big mistake. The menu was in Chinese (duh), but even with the help of both Google and a very patient waitress, I ended up with something that looked vaguely like noodles with questionable protein. And then, the chopsticks! Gone! Disappeared! Poof! I spent a solid 10 minutes flailing, resorting to a spoon and silently weeping (okay, maybe I openly wept).
- 17:00: Walk around the hotel, feeling lost and disoriented but at least I got a coffee.
- 19:00: Dinner at the hotel again. Surprisingly, the noodles were… edible. Still no chopsticks. I'm starting to suspect a conspiracy.
- 21:00: Collapsed into bed, defeated but vaguely hopeful. The air conditioning is a lifesaver. The distant sounds of karaoke are less so.
Day 2: Stone Forest Shenanigans & The Great Tea Heist
- 08:00: Breakfast. Finally figured out how to order what I think is congee. It's… bland, but filling. Mustering all my energy.
- 09:00: Stone Forest! Okay, wow. This place is breathtaking. Gigantic, jagged rocks jutting out of the earth, like nature's own sculpture garden. I spent hours wandering around, feeling like a tiny ant crawling through the ruins of a giant's playground. Took so many photos I'll probably clog the wifi when I get back.
- 13:00: Back at the hotel. I need a nap. Definitely feeling the jetlag.
- 15:00: Tea Shopping! Yunnan is famous for its tea, and I was determined to find the perfect pu-erh. And find it I did. I stumbled upon a tiny shop run by a sweet old woman who spoke very little English but managed to convey the passion she had for her tea. I left with enough tea to fuel a small revolution (and a slightly lighter wallet). In hindsight, I probably got played a little bit on the price. But the tea is divine. Absolutely worth it.
- 17:00: Back at the hotel. The karaoke has started again. Send help.
- 19:00: Decided to be adventurous and try a local restaurant. The language barrier was epic, but I pointed at things, smiled a lot, and ended up with a steaming bowl of something… spicy. My face turned a lovely shade of crimson, but it was amazing. Pure culinary bliss.
- 21:00: Watched a movie, the wifi sucks, I swear the karaoke has gotten louder and is even more off key.
Day 3: Green Lake Strolls & A Moment of Zen (Maybe)
- 09:00: Finally, an actual decent breakfast. They must've restocked the congee.
- 10:00: Green Lake! A welcome respite from the concrete jungle. Strolled around the serene lake, watching the locals practice tai chi and play board games. It was incredibly peaceful, and I actually started to feel… relaxed.
- 12:00: Lunch. Found a tiny noodle shop on a side street. This time, I actually got chopsticks! Progress! The noodles were perfect – springy, flavorful, and utterly delicious.
- 14:00: The Flower and Bird Market: This place is a sensory overload. Caged birds squawking, flowers of every color imaginable, and enough knick-knacks to fill a small museum. It was chaotic, charming, and I may have accidentally bought a tiny, ceramic panda.
- 16:00: Feeling slightly overwhelmed, retreated back to the hotel. Found a decent coffee in a nearby shop.
- 18:00: The karaoke. It's haunting. It's a siren song. It's… strangely comforting. A weird kind of acceptance has settled in.
- 20:00: Dinner. They finally have chopsticks! Success? Yes! But I still don't know what it is.
- 22:00: Packing and getting ready to leave.
Day 4: Departure & The Aftermath
- 07:00: Quick breakfast. The congee is good again… Almost sad to leave.
- 08:00: Checking out. Said goodbye to the Howard Johnson, the karaoke, and the dubious shrubbery. It was… an experience.
- 09:00: Taxi to the airport.
- 12:00: Arriving at the next destination.
Final Thoughts:
Kunming was a whirlwind. It was messy, challenging, and at times, utterly baffling. But it was also beautiful, vibrant, and full of unexpected moments of joy. Would I recommend the Howard Johnson? Well, It's a place to experience the city. But the experience is not perfect. But the tea? The Stone Forest? The food? Absolutely. This messy, chaotic, beautiful journey is exactly how I'd want it! And hey, I finally mastered the chopsticks. Small victories, right?
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Escape to Paradise: Howard Johnson's Kunming Oasis Awaits! (Maybe? Let's Talk...)
Okay, so... Kunming and the Howard Johnson's? What IS this Paradise you speak of? And is it... actually paradise?
Alright, alright, dial it back, sunshine. Paradise is a strong word. Let's be honest, I've seen more pristine landscapes in a dog park on a rainy Tuesday. But! This is about the Howard Johnson's in Kunming. The idea of paradise here is... well, escaping. Escaping the chaos, the familiar, the endless emails. Kunming itself is pretty cool – the 'City of Eternal Spring' they call it. Sounds lovely, right? And HoJo? Well, it's a familiar face in a foreign land! A comforting blanket, or at least... a comfy pillow.
But here's the catch: I went THERE. I was excited, picturing a breezy oasis, maybe sipping something fruity by a pool (spoiler alert: the pool was more "reflecting pond" than anything else). The reality? Ehhh… keep reading, friend. This whole adventure is like a box of chocolates, except some of them are kinda stale, and some are AMAZING. You’ll see what I mean.
What's the deal with the rooms? Are they actually clean? That's, like, a BIG deal.
Cleanliness is next to godliness, right? Okay, so I wouldn't go THAT far. The rooms… they were decent. Let's call it "comfortably functional." The bed? Surprisingly comfy. I'm a bed snob, and it passed muster. The bathroom… well, it showed some… *character*. Slightly dated, a little bit of… lingering water stains. It's not my personal aesthetic, I'll be honest.
But here's a story. First night, I went to take a shower. And... no hot water. Zero. Zilch. My inner diva was SCREAMING. I called reception, half-expecting them to not understand, but they were on it! Within 15 minutes, a very apologetic maintenance guy was fiddling with the pipes. Turned it on, and BAM! Hot water! Pure, glorious, scalding hot water! It was a win, but also a moment where I realized the whole "paradise" thing needed a little… refining. It's not like you expect perfection, right? But... hot water is kind of fundamental.
The Pool! The brochures always show a stunning pool area. Was it as amazing as it looks?
The pool... oh, the pool. The pictures? Gorgeous. Crystal-clear water, sun loungers, cocktails... My reality? Well, let's just say it was a *learning experience.*
It was… smaller than I anticipated. Maybe a little… algae-adjacent? The water wasn't exactly inviting. And the sun loungers... Some were broken, some were missing cushions. I walked over to the pool area, feeling this giddy anticipation, and promptly did a double take. Not the paradise pool of my dreams, sadly.
I decided to be brave. I went and dipped my toes. Brrrrr! It was cold! And I swear I saw a rogue frog. And some leaves. It wasn't a dealbreaker, but I could absolutely see the potential for a really nice setup if they put a little TLC in it. It reminded me that even in things that look good initially, there is always some truth underneath.
Let's talk food. Was the breakfast buffet as epic as the Instagram influencers made it seem?
Okay, the breakfast buffet… Now, THIS is where things got interesting! I love a good hotel buffet. I’m talking piles of food, everything you could imagine, the sheer gluttony of it all... It's a glorious thing to witness!
The HoJo's buffet was… an adventure. It started out well. Freshly baked bread, some amazing congee (rice porridge, highly recommended, especially if you're nursing a mild travel hangover – which I *might* have been). And there were some interesting things I couldn't identify, lots of local delicacies. But! And there’s always a but.
The coffee... oh, the coffee was a tragedy. It was weak, watery, and tasted faintly of sadness. And the bacon? A little… leathery. This is where I was really honest and real with myself, because it was a real struggle between, "Oh, this is disappointing," and "Let's find something amazing about this." One day, I actually went to the lobby and got a coffee from their tiny coffee shop. That's right, I went off-campus to fix my caffeine situation. Priorities! The food was solid, though – a good mix of local and Western. I always found *something* I liked!
Okay, beyond the hotel, Kunming itself! What's worth doing? Any tips for a newbie?
Kunming is AMAZING! It's got way more to offer than just a hotel room and a slightly-dodgy pool! The "City of Eternal Spring" is not lying. Seriously, the weather is usually pretty fantastic.
Here are a few things you HAVE to do:
* **Stone Forest:** A must-see. It's a natural geological wonder. Seriously mesmerizing. Get there early to avoid the crowds. Because crowds.
* **Green Lake Park:** Relaxing, beautiful. Perfect for a stroll, people-watching, and maybe even some tai chi if you're feeling ambitious.
* **Take a food tour:** Get your taste buds ready! Kunming has incredible street food. Find a local guide to help you navigate it. Don't be shy about trying things – you might discover your new favorite dish! You might not, who knows!
* **JianShui:** Okay, this is slightly outside of Kunming, but it’s so worth it! Go see the old town. It's beautiful and so different from the city.
My biggest tip is: be prepared for the language barrier. Learn a few basic Mandarin phrases. Download a translation app. Be patient. Embrace the chaos! And maybe, bring your own coffee. Just a thought.
Would you go back? Would you RECOMMEND it??? Dish the dirt, please!
Okay, the million-dollar question! Would I go back? Hmmm… that’s tough. Here's the thing: I like Kunming! It's a beautiful city. And the *idea* of Howard Johnson's in Kunming is good! A recognizable name, a familiar comfort in a new place. A good starting point.
Would I recommend it? Well... with caveats. If you are looking for absolute perfection, this ain't it, friend. If you're okay with a little bit of… *character*, a few minor inconveniences, and a whole lot of adventure – then yes. Go! Kunming is worth it. Just keep your expectations somewhat in check. Think of it as an imperfect gem. It's not glittering, but it's definitely interesting.
And, hey, maybe you can find a better coffee shop than I did. Let me know if you do!
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